She is 4 weeks old :)

i cannot believe how quickly time has passed. Mirabelle is now 4 weeks old. has it been 4 weeks already since the day she was born?? the first week after delivery was bad and somehow i recall it as a blur. perhaps thats how the brain cope with unpleasant memories as it tries to repress the bad moments.

last night was the most emotional night as far as i can remember, tearing and choking. perhaps more emotional than my wedding night. somehow, after staying at 娘家 for 4 weeks, i've grown attached to my old room all over again.. i recall the first night staying at my new place, i cried as i hug my mother knowing that i've finally grown up and now married and staying on my own. i would go back 娘家 feeling all emo looking at my room and stuff. its the same old feeling again, multipled a million times. spending these 4 weeks back home, seeing how my mom worked tirelessly, cooking and washing, preparing all my meals, constant nagging (all the confinement rules i broke), seeing how she would carry and soothe Mirabelle each time she cries.. just thinking about it makes me choke with tears. my mother is soo patient with her no matter how inconsolable she was.. speaking to belle softly and lovingly even after she's thrown a major episode of crying and screaming.. so this is how loving she was towards me when I was a baby.. now that i'm a mother myself.. i can finally appreciate what it means by unconditional love.. i think back in shame how impatient and rude (sometimes) i've been with my mom..

i look at my sleeping baby and wonder if she'll ever know how much i love her.. and i wonder if she'll ever break my heart?